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Happy New Fill-In-The-Blank!

January 1, 2016

New Year’s has long been a favorite holiday of mine.  I’m the queen of clean slates and a sucker for a good makeover.  And unlike the green and red we associate with Christmas, the official color of New Year’s is bling.  (With a name like Gold Dust, I’m naturally drawn to things that sparkle.)

As I work on this practice of living life in the present moment, and not the regretting the past or fearing the future, I’m amazed at how many clean slates we have at our disposal.  Each year brings with it 365 new days.  Each day offers plenty of opportunities to chart a new course — there’s one available the moment you decide to start over.

This concept of not having to wait until January 1 to begin again still has a profound effect on my life.  When I find myself headed in the wrong direction, I don’t have to write off the entire day.  Or month.  Or year.  If I have an extra piece of pizza (or three) at lunch, I can keep eating like that for the rest of the day.  Or I can choose to start over and make a healthier choice at dinner that evening.  The freedom to change direction the minute I realize I’m off course helps me get where I want to go so much faster than my previous mindset.  

Does that mean I always get back on the wagon after I’ve fallen off?  Absolutely not.  Sometimes I pout.  Sometimes I whine.  Sometimes I don’t even realize that I’m heading in the wrong direction.  I’m human.  From what I hear, we all are.

The grace of being able to minimize the damage and self-sabotage that comes when I fall short of my ideal leaves me with more energy to devote to becoming the person I aspire to be — which produces the positive results that make it easier to stay on track in the first place.

So best wishes on 2016!  As you get settled in this brand new year, and evidence of your human fallibility becomes clear, please remember you can hit the reset button any time you want.  And while you’re at it, feel free to don some sequins and throw some confetti about too.  There's always a reason to celebrate.

 

 

Photograph by Jillian VanZytveld

In Mindfulness Tips & Tricks, Personal Development
5 Comments

The Learning Curve

November 30, 2015

Last week, I told you about my love of surfing — and the mental and physical blocks I confront along the way, including the color commentary Sally, my inner critic, provides.  Surfing involves far more time in the water than it does actually standing on the board. (I doubt my coaches will read this, but in case they do: By “standing” I mean, “demonstrating the proper functional stance”.)   

I would prefer to go from novice to pro overnight, and skip all this “learning” nonsense.  In first grade, I wondered why we were wasting our time with arithmetic.  If we were supposed to end up knowing the information contained in the eighth grader’s textbooks, shouldn’t we just start there?  Cutting out all the busywork in between seemed more efficient.  (In hindsight, I did go through each of the grade levels in order, and the only thing I remember about a quadratic equation is the name that is goes by.)  

Whether it’s math or surfing (or anything, for that matter) there’s a learning curve.  I don’t expect anyone else to be instantly proficient, but I have a hard time extending the same courtesy to myself.  Even after I reluctantly accept I won’t master a new skill overnight, I still cling to the unrealistic expectation that my progress will be quick and painless.  When it comes to the learning curve of self-acceptance, I’m languishing near the bottom.

The instant I tumble off my board into the salt water, my brain begins to analyze what went wrong.  Maybe I began paddling too late to catch the wave, or maybe I caught it but dug a rail because my body weight wasn’t centered on the board.  Some analysis is beneficial.  Ideally, I’ll perform a cursory review and identify what corrections (if any) need to be made.  Then I’ll let it go, get back on the board, and paddle back out.  

Sometimes, however, my brain wants to tinker with it a little longer, maybe put the instant replay on repeat and compare my footage to everyone else in the water.  The minute I get sucked into comparing my performance to everyone else, I’m screwed.  Do I isolate the variables, especially to control for those who’ve been surfing longer than me? Nope.  Do I remind myself that at this time, last year, I had never even been on a board, and that panic would set in every Saturday before I’d show up at my swimming lesson?  Not a chance.  

This Emerson quote keeps coming to mind: “All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.”  The notion that life is offering us a series of opportunities to figure out what works and what doesn’t appeals to me far more than the mentality that life is one long string of proficiency tests for each of us to demonstrate our value as human beings.  With that mindset, I may one day be able to wrap my mind around the fact that arriving at the destination < the process of getting there.

 

 

 

Photo courtesy of Surf Simply

 

In Performance Improvement, Personal Development, Change Management
9 Comments

Surfing (with Sally)

November 19, 2015

Growing up in the Midwest, my surfing credentials included shopping at Pacific Sunwear and watching “Blue Crush” with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s in hand.  The closest body of water was Lake Michigan.  While I believe she’s deserving of her title as one of the Great Lakes, her temperament is more suited to swimming and boating, and the cultures of the communities surrounding her shores agree.  There are mavericks who don wetsuits and have the skill and patience to harness the energy in the swells she does offer (often during freakishly inclement weather), but as the exception and not the rule, I concluded that surfing was not in the cards for me.

Thirteen years later, I posed for the picture above.  On the last night of my week-long trip to Surf Simply, a technical surf coaching resort in Nosara, Costa Rica, we paddled out one last time to watch the sun sink into the Pacific.  In surfing, the gear used to capture images of the action is almost as the important as the board and wax.  Scott, a primary care physician from Oregon (pictured above) and his wife Kate were members of our group. Having brought a drone and a GoPro from his photographic arsenal, the surf coaching staff (mostly the boys, actually) got giddy over his tech the way the way we student surfers turned into kids the minute our eyes spotted the breaking waves. 

As we smiled for Coach Jessie Carnes, in the back of my head I knew if this picture turned out, I’d be in possession of Facebook profile picture gold.  I’ve already introduced you to my inner critic, Sally, and it’s no surprise that she had plenty to say throughout the trip. The main reason I’m downright evangelical about helping myself and others turn down the volume on the inner critic is because if I followed Sally’s advice I would have missed all of this!    
    
The big lie we tell ourselves is that by playing it safe we don’t have to assume risk.  In this instance, “playing it safe” would have looked like continuing to accumulate vacation days, afraid to take them for fear of what my team members or clients might think.  When I’m in my workaholic martyr mindset, my frustration comes out sideways.  If I breathe easier when I learn a whirling dervish is going to be out of the office, I’m sure others have felt the same way about me.

Pushing past my physical and emotional limits with 11 other strangers — all while wearing a swimsuit — is about the furthest away from playing it safe this girl can get.  If Sally would have had her way, I’d still be doing some "bikini countdown" diet, waiting to book the trip until I matched my mental image of what I thought a surfer “should” look like.  

In this case, my opportunity cost would have been missing out on the ecstasy that comes from doing something I previously thought was impossible.  The ripple effect of such a powerful life lesson continues to benefit me today by giving me the confidence to challenge other perceived limitations: from speaking truth to power, to becoming a yoga teacher, to launching my own business.  Not only have I drastically underestimated the opportunity cost of playing it safe — I’ve also failed to factor in the compound interest.

The best part of all, is that with the right perspective, there is no actual downside to challenging the inner critic.  Even if the results don’t look like what I’d hoped would happen — if I speak truth to power and they retaliate, if I attempt crow pose while practice teaching and land on my face, if my business fails — as long as I learn from the experience of having attempted it, I’ve got wisdom that will continue to benefit me for the rest of my life.  

This is where Sally chimes in to say that wisdom doesn’t pay the bills.  My response is that in 35 years, I’ve never gone without a meal or a roof over my head.  If I had to be anyone on the planet when the chips are down, my money’s on me.  When it comes to navigating the hostile terrain of personal growth, I’m Bear Grylls.  

If my perfectionism and people-pleasing kept me safely tucked away in a box on the shelf, I’d never have taken the tumbles that taught me tenacity and resilience are some of my most valuable character traits.  If I can do this, you can too. If you insist that you can't, grab your pocket knife, some flint, and let Gold Dust show you how.  If you've experienced this yourself, please share it here.

When have you been grateful you ignored your inner critic?

 

 

Photograph by Jessie Carnes/Courtesy of Scott Schieber

In Personal Development, Inner Critic, Calculating Risk
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