I'm still a sucker for the the illusion that January 1 is a clean slate -- and my next opportunity to take another stab at perfection. This being my 38th attempt at a new year, I'm wise enough to not attempt a year of perfection; however, I do want to harness the energy and possibility that comes with a fresh start.

What do I want most for this year? To let go of the patterns, people, places, things, and ideas that are keeping me stuck in the past or on the sidelines playing it safe.

Thanks to trauma therapy and the normal ebb and flow of life’s waves, 2017 was a year of exhausting, messy emotional work. Though critically important, this foundational work makes for lousy social media. I’m grateful that I’m able to let go far more quickly than I could a year ago.

I'm still dragging around a sizable portion of my cocoon, though. I'm still relying on this armor, in both a metaphorical and physical sense, to keep me safe. The paradox is that this padding is the very thing preventing me from receiving what I want most: authentic connection with other people.

I know better than to attempt to control this, so I'm surrendering that aspect as best I can. Instead, my goal is to lean into the discomfort when it arises and let it flow through me. There's still a piece of me that believes this pain is punishment doled out by a cruel angry grandpa-in-the-sky. Instead of viewing challenges as obstacles to test or torment me, I want to see them as tools to help me grow.

If I can remove the abusive aspect of the narrative around the pain, maybe I'll be less inclined to seek comfort and soothing in the ways I have in the past. My goal for 2018 is to finally emerge from my cocoon and fully inhabit this butterfly version of myself.